Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Uncertainty

Two songs now mixed. Seven to go. I'm actually kind of surprised that things sound as good as they do (of course, that could just be me hoping that they sound better than they do...). I guess that mixing class makes a difference--whether real or imaginary is up for debate. 

These little victories, however, do not seem to be able to keep away the feelings of uncertainty and doubt. Each step forward leaves me with more questions to answer and more actions to take, which is good because, at least there are questions to answer and actions to take, but I have no idea where I'm going. Most of the time I don't even know if I'm on the right road and the only indication that I'm on a road at all is that I can see the exits. I can see where others have picked different streets to follow. And it frightens me--what if the fog blinds me and I take the wrong exit?

To be honest, it feels like I'm constantly taking the wrong exit. Or maybe it is simply that the road I am on is quiet and secluded--perhaps it is a neglected country highway. Maybe I just need to find a gas station. And maybe, if I stick to my guns, I will find myself where I headed off to in the first place.

Hopefully, the next rest stop is soon--at my current rate, I should be done mixing in about a week and once I get these demos out, I'm on to the next stage.

May the road you are on take you to your desired destination and may your instincts serve you better than GPS.

Be bold.

R


Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Struggle

Really trying to be better about keeping everything updated. I don't know how people keep all of their social media sites going. Actually, I do, but I'm in no position to hire help or offer college credit for an internship. Anyway...

Tracking for this round of songs is almost done, rough mixing has already started and if all goes well, I should have some tracks to share in a few weeks. It hasn't been difficult to keep myself excited about the process and the prospect of making waves, it's just been...a long process. There are definitely times when I don't want to hear my screaming voice or my questionable guitar playing any longer, when I wish I had a producer and a mix engineer to make everything sound nice for me, when I start to question the songwriting and the production and the performance. It's quite clear why you don't want to be your own recording studio complete with staff. 

But this is the process. And this is struggle--glorious struggle that is said to leave a person stronger (if it doesn't kill the person). This is struggle, the mechanism used to thin the herd and separate the creators from the dreamers. This is struggle, real world education, self education, because how can we change our lives if we don't push the boundaries, and how can we push our boundaries if we don't know where they lie?

It's easy to forget that determination is needed to get through those parts of life that in the movies are so easily, cut together into motivational montage sequences. I suppose I don't live in a movie. My life has always been more of a song.

Til next time (and I promise there will be a "next time"), be bold.

R

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Why

I've been spending a lot of time lately thinking about why I'm doing what I'm doing. There is already so much content out in the world, why add to the pile? Why add to the noise? Why go through the trouble of writing and performing? What's the point? Who will hear? Who will care? And this is what I came up with:

I write because I can. I write because there are stories I would like to hear and no one else is telling them. I write because I don't want to forget what emotions feel like. Happiness, pain, enlightenment, loss--I want to remember them all, because they are all beautiful and are all reminders that I am human, though some of them sting and burn. I write to purge myself of demons that are destructive when kept inside but are poetry when put on a page.

 I perform because I can. I perform because I have a story to tell and I will not sit silently waiting to be forgotten. I perform because it lets me feel, brings clarity to confusion, catharsis when the world caves in. I perform because the universe pours into me, presses against my chest and begs to be radiated outwards, laced with my spirit. I perform because when I can't think of new words to release the demons, I can open my soul and spew music into the air--music dripping in all of my emotions and the demons turn to song.

I can see the world and I can see how it can be better, but I cannot promise change and I cannot force anyone to do anything. But I can feel and I can think. I can create and I can share. I can write and I can perform.

Look forward to something a little different from me at Freedom of Speech Thursday tonight at Sabor y Cultura. Have to keep things interesting and moving forward. ;)

Be bold.

R